Next Monday, have a cold, hard look at what really matters by Amanda Vanstone

Next Monday, have a cold, hard look at what really matters by Amanda Vanstone

Topic: Next Monday, have a cold, hard look at what really matters

Writter: Amanda Vanstone

Publish Date: Sunday, 17 December 2017

Published on : The AGE News

Next Monday, have a cold, hard look at what really matters

This time next week we will all be doing whatever we do on Christmas Day. For many it's a hectic round of family visits. For a diminishing number it will start with a church service, either on Christmas Eve or on Christmas morning. For some it's the loneliest day of the year.

The ABS tells us the proportion of us identifying with Christianity is falling and that certainly fits with my day-to-day experience of Australians. The theological underpinnings of Christmas are no longer relevant to so many of us.

The churches have only themselves to blame for that. The arguments as to which strand of Christianity is the best, for want of a better description, seem puerile and banal compared to the overall message of the Judeo-Christian ethos. Put simply, we would be more interested in the main message than a dogma fuelled turf war between the churches.

The churches have also failed to move with the times. Tradition is important but it must be tempered with modernity. If not, one might appear as though one is living in the dark ages, out of touch with today's reality. The consequence of this is the message is just not getting out there.

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We often hear an admonishment at Christmas to think about those less fortunate than ourselves and rightly so. Photo: Janie Barrett

Christmas has become our end of year festive season. It's acknowledged as a festival where we focus on family and friends and on the symbol of a new beginning. That's a fairly good reason to come together and celebrate.

Sadly an enormous focus of Christmas is materialism. The retail stores in Australia , the UK And the US start up with Christmas decorations and merchandise in early October if not before. (In contrast, in Italy the decorations appear in early December and are gone by the end of the first week in January. It creates an atmosphere that has its focus on the festival rather than the associated shopping extravaganza.)

Gifts have really got out of hand. Not many families follow a minimalist path. I know of families where the kids have so many presents they wouldn't have a hope of remembering who gave them what. The concept of there being some meaningful association between the gift, the giver and the recipient is just not there. I do know of one family where they can only give a gift they've made. That requires more thought than it does dollars. It's a not a bad idea.

We often hear an admonishment at Christmas to think about those less fortunate than ourselves, and rightly so. But even that is often couched in terms of those who are economically less fortunate. True enough that those who struggle financially can do it tough over Christmas. It's our obsession with materialism that exacerbates this.

But even without that, there are those who want their kids to enjoy the traditional Christmas experience and be able to swap stories with their mates about their Christmas Day. Stand at the poultry section in a big supermarket and hear a couple chatting about whether their voucher will allow them to get some turkey drumsticks so the kids can have turkey and you'll understand what I mean.

Less fortunate has a much broader than monetary meaning. A few examples come to mind. Some face their first Christmas without a loved one. With so much of a focus on friends and family it can be a very hard time. Perhaps worse is going into Christmas knowing this is your last or the last for someone close to you.

Lost loved ones don't get forgotten but at Christmas they are especially remembered. If it's a child it's even harder. No amount of money fixes that kind of grief. There are people who are seriously unhappy at home or at work for whom Christmas is not so much a little relief as a spotlight that puts their unhappiness into a crystal clear view.

Put aside the impact of Christmas and consider those who face difficulty all year, for whom Christmas may well be welcome light relief, or not. People with long-term physical or mental health issues, serious financial problems or families coping with addiction ... it doesn't take long to realise just how lucky you are.

Next to that, your own complaints about the family having hot Christmas when you wanted cold, or vice versa, are paltry. Of course, it will not be long after Christmas before hot cross buns start appearing in the shops. Never mind that Easter isn't until April and theoretically meant for Good Friday.

While we go along with rampant consumerism we must expect to pay the price. If kids have no respect perhaps we need to ask what it is they ought to respect. Just what are the values that we are instilling in them by going along with all this rubbish. Perhaps what we need to do is just have a good, cold, hard look at what really matters. Sometimes getting your priorities right means that everything else, or almost everything, falls in to place. None of us are getting out of here alive. You can stuff money or things into a coffin and take them with you in that sense. But not to enjoy.

One way to think about it is to reflect on what, if anything, you might like on your tombstone. It won't be that you were rich. Or that you were considered successful. With any luck it will be that you made friends, real friends. The divine Miss M is so right ... you've just got to have them.